My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
