dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
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Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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