oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
