Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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