i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
