I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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