Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
