i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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