i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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