Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
