He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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