i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
