Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
