Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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