A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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