Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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