Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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