I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
