I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
