I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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