dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
