i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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