I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
