dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
