are you still at the devil's house?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
