I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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