Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
