i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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