final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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