Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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