In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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