Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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