Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
