someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
