I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
