dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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