I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
