"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
