the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
