I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
