Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He shit in the fireplace
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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