if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
