Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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