Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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