I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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