So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
