I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
