Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
