I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
