Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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