I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
