So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
