my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
