I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
