I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
