Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Where is the hickey?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
