a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You need a sexual gate keeper
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
