Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
