I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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