She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
