It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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