You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
