He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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