he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
