dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
