I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
