What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
