so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
