were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
