I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
