singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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