No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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