I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize