You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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