Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
