saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
