After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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