Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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