i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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