the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
