haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
