why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
