Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
