Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
