i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
